old- May 2011

Today I found myself literally doing a little dance in my entryway at the thought of bin Laden being dead. I giggled, but as soon as the sound escaped my lips, I abruptly stopped.

Liza, I thought, you are rejoicing in the death of a human being. I got very quiet for a moment, my legs went still, and my smile dropped off.

But then I remembered the way I felt sitting in Mr. Bryant’s Physical Science class on September 11^th, 2001. I will never forget the way I felt as though I had been punched in the gut as I watched the second plane hit the towers. The images of people jumping to their death will never leave my mind. The way I spent days afterwards crying for the lives lost, and any sense of security we as a nation had previously held. I can’t forget the way I felt so nervous when I found out Zack would be going to West Point, and later joining the Army. I cry every single time, without fail, when I read of a soldier’s death in Iraq or Afghanistan. I thought about the panic and terror that grips my heart on a daily basis, the way I wake up in the middle of the night on the verge of tears, and the awful ache that has settled into my core since Zack has been deployed.

So yes, I think I will keep dancing. Although not quite so uninhibited, because I’m not of the fortunate American population that gets to go to bed each night with their spouse who works a comfy 9-5 job. I can’t toast to the USA this evening with my best friend, and watch news coverage while curled up on the couch together. My dance will be more humble, quieter, because my husband is over there, continuing to fight so you can keep celebrating, and I can’t help but think of what consequences this victory may have for the deployed troops. My emotions are so very mixed between pride, joy, fear, and worry. There is really no telling which direction this could take the war and how much it will impact the safety of the men and women over there. I am quite terrified, actually, for the repercussions we may see not just in Afghanistan & Iraq, but in the United States and large populations of Americans abroad. However, I must keep reminding myself that this day brings closure and healing to so many families who lost loved ones on that Tuesday morning, and in the war that has been going on the past 10 years. And I will also stand confident in the knowledge that my dear husband is so very clever, capable, and part of the United States Army, dammit!

So to the rest of the world, since apparently you didn’t hear us the last 10 years: getchu some.