R&R

My left leg wouldn't stop twitching, my hands had gone clammy, and I was having trouble swalloing or taking deep breaths. I tried to smooth an errant wrinkle out of my polka dot sundress, and forced myself to stop fidgeting.

You could pick us out, the Army wives, from a mile away in that airport. 6am on a Thursday morning, we were dressed to kill and looked as though we could burst into tears or hysterical, nervous laughter at any given moment.

The automatic doors that led from the arrivals gate opened and closed a maddening number of times before I started seeing multi-cam bags and military haircuts. Each couple I saw reunited made my heart and eyes well up. The young mother with three small children who ran full speed into her husband's embrace, the seasoned wife who was on her 6th deployment still squealed and threw her purse to the ground when her husband scooped her up, and the couple who casually walked into eachothers' arms, yet stood there for what seemed like eternity, refusing to let go.

I began to get panicky, as overdramatic pessimists have a tendency to do, when I saw soldier after soldier come through the gate, and Zack was nowhere to be seen. Pretty soon the arrivals gate emptied out, and I was left standing alone in my high heeled wedges and wringing hands. But just at the perfect moment, the doors swung open and I saw my husband, my husband whom I had not seen in almost seven months. His smile and air about him were as giant as I remembered, and he threw his bags theatrically to the side. He pulled me into him, and lifted me up off the floor, twirling me around and around. And honestly, I'm not sure if my feet ever touched the ground again, in those 15 days of perfection.

old- May 2011

Today I found myself literally doing a little dance in my entryway at the thought of bin Laden being dead. I giggled, but as soon as the sound escaped my lips, I abruptly stopped.

Liza, I thought, you are rejoicing in the death of a human being. I got very quiet for a moment, my legs went still, and my smile dropped off.

But then I remembered the way I felt sitting in Mr. Bryant’s Physical Science class on September 11^th, 2001. I will never forget the way I felt as though I had been punched in the gut as I watched the second plane hit the towers. The images of people jumping to their death will never leave my mind. The way I spent days afterwards crying for the lives lost, and any sense of security we as a nation had previously held. I can’t forget the way I felt so nervous when I found out Zack would be going to West Point, and later joining the Army. I cry every single time, without fail, when I read of a soldier’s death in Iraq or Afghanistan. I thought about the panic and terror that grips my heart on a daily basis, the way I wake up in the middle of the night on the verge of tears, and the awful ache that has settled into my core since Zack has been deployed.

So yes, I think I will keep dancing. Although not quite so uninhibited, because I’m not of the fortunate American population that gets to go to bed each night with their spouse who works a comfy 9-5 job. I can’t toast to the USA this evening with my best friend, and watch news coverage while curled up on the couch together. My dance will be more humble, quieter, because my husband is over there, continuing to fight so you can keep celebrating, and I can’t help but think of what consequences this victory may have for the deployed troops. My emotions are so very mixed between pride, joy, fear, and worry. There is really no telling which direction this could take the war and how much it will impact the safety of the men and women over there. I am quite terrified, actually, for the repercussions we may see not just in Afghanistan & Iraq, but in the United States and large populations of Americans abroad. However, I must keep reminding myself that this day brings closure and healing to so many families who lost loved ones on that Tuesday morning, and in the war that has been going on the past 10 years. And I will also stand confident in the knowledge that my dear husband is so very clever, capable, and part of the United States Army, dammit!

So to the rest of the world, since apparently you didn’t hear us the last 10 years: getchu some.

old- March 2010

We were sitting in a room full of people, but all I could see was him. Sort of like that ‘Fancy-Focus’ setting you can do on Photoshop that blurs everything except the one thing you want to focus on. He was laughing at something one of his friends had said, and I knew, right at that very moment, that my heart would never belong to anyone else but him. It was an aching realization, one that made my stomach churn and my heart sink to the very bottom of my sand-covered shoes. Because I knew after that bittersweet four hour drive to the airport, I would probably never see him again. And because it was a terribly inconvenient realization, seeing as he was leaving the country in a few months and I was perfectly content in my little bubble of a life as of that freezing December morning.

But if there is one thing I possess, it’s passion. And if you know me in the least, you are aware that once my mind is made up and I have my sights set on something, I will stop at nothing. So I shakily pulled out my cell phone, typed an 11 word message that read: “You know I would move to Germany in 2 seconds flat”, tried to stop my heart that I was just certain the entire room could hear pounding, and pressed Send.

The rest is, well, history. Sometime in mid-April I will pack everything I own into some suitcases and board a flight to Germany. I honestly cannot spend one more day without him by my side. Zack is in the Army, and will be in Germany for 3 years, so for drei years I will be traveling Europe with my very best friend and the boy I have madly loved for an embarrassing number of years. I am so incredibly excited about seeing so many new things, building a beautiful little German home, and perhaps even meeting another Liebscher. But I think what I am most excited about is simply waking up every morning and seeing him. That is all I have ever wanted since that first kiss on the dusty hill at the edge of the woods.

Zack is stationed in Baumholder, but we will be living in a slightly bigger town about 20 minutes north of Baumholder called Idar Oberstein. Neither of them are big enough to warrant a spot on most broad maps of Germany, but Idar Oberstein is located in West Germany. It’s in between Frankfurt & Stuttgart [where my great grandpa was born!], but west of those cities. [And only about 4 hours driving distance from Paris!]

I know it all might sound slightly crazy, quitting my job, leaving my dearly loved family & friends and the comforts of America, and moving to a foreign country [the extent of my German is ‘guten tag’ and ‘bitte’] with a boy I haven’t actually been in a relationship with in almost 3 years. But isn’t that what life is about? Stepping outside of your comfort zone, chasing dreams, believing in fairy tales? If it isn’t, don’t inform me now.